Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
