and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
