Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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