There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
