Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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