you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
