Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I want to fling myself into the sun
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
