that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
