You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
