We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
