he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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