I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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