Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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