Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
