dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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