Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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