its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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