How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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