Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
