Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
