Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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