look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
