were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
