Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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