By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
