Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
