Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
