I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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