..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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