i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Randomize
