Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
