Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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