So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
