Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
time to smoke my breakfast
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
