My liver just broke up with me...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
