whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
