the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
