if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
