Are we in a gay sports bar?
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
