watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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