I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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