its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
