Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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