Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize