threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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