i love accidental penises.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
