didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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