i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
