Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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