i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
