I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
