If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize