Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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