Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
