Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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