She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
