I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
