I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
