Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
