He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
