I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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