The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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