We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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