he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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