Ketchup is God's man juice
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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