But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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