if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
