I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
