Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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