I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize