I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
