Welp...herpes.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
These tits shall not be calmed
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
