Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
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