how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
