It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
