You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
