do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
