Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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