Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
