I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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