i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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