Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
