Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
