So drunk its hurt
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
