Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
