I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize