The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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