I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
