your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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