when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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