i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
