Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize