wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
is wine microwaveable?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
