thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
