Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
