I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
