I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
